Talk More: Porn (Part 1)
Whether on purpose or accidentally, 53% of kids see pornography online before the age of 13. And, kids are reporting that they’re learning helpful information from porn, such as how to have sex, about bodies and anatomy, and what their partners might find pleasurable. (You can read the full report from Common Sense Media).
We get it. Parents feel like this is a tricky subject - likely because adult feelings are mixed about pornography and its use. In this 2-part blog, Talk More will share their recommendations for making this conversation simple and straightforward.
The very first thing you should do is consider what your values are related to pornography. Because this can feel like a messy topic, you want to make sure you reflect on and understand what your own values are about porn, where they come from, and which one you’ll want to share with your child. This way you can be sure you’re sharing the messages that are most important to you about porn use, not the ones that society expects you to be sharing, or the ones that you grew up hearing.
For example, you may want to say that porn is okay for adults to use, but it’s not safe for kids. Or, your value may be that pornography isn’t okay for anyone to use.
A few questions to consider are:
What, if anything, worries you about your kids watching porn?
What do you wish you had known about porn as a younger person?
Do you think porn is okay for adults to watch? Why or why not?
Once you’re clear on your values, and feeling ready to start a conversation, make sure you’re talking in ways that are shame-free. That means that you’re not sending negative messages about porn or the people that use it (because remember, we just talked about how every person has a different value about porn). That may sound like making sure you say things like:
Being curious about sex is normal.
Consensual sex is okay.
Watching porn or not watching porn isn’t good or bad; it’s a choice that every individual makes for different reasons
When talking about porn with your kids, emphasize that they aren’t in trouble. Approximately 50% of teens report feeling shame about their porn use, and it’s important to emphasize why porn isn’t intended for kids.
Finally, make sure to be clear why porn isn’t intended for kids to use. Some of them include the key points below, and Part 2 of this blog post will integrate these key points into sample scripts.
Pornography is fiction (or a performance) and it doesn’t represent real sexual experiences
Pornography often portrays unrealistic body standards and may impact people’s body image.
People who watch pornography also need the critical thinking skills to analyze and understand the media they’re consuming.
Pornography often features violent content, and nonconsensual sex.
Specific suggestions for what to say to kids about seeing are included in the Part 2 of this blog post, click here to view!
Looking for more resources on this conversation? Check out Amaze.org: Having the Talks - Porn.