Talk More: Bodies

When I was teaching sexuality education, I had the opportunity to work with Kindergarteners. We spent several sessions talking about anger, friendship, boundaries with others, and eventually, defining our body parts.

I remember being shocked at the things Kindergarteners thought about body parts when I introduced words like penis, vulva, vagina, and anus. Upon hearing these words they said things like, “Ewwwww, that’s gross,” “I wouldn’t ever say that,” “disgusting,” and “that’s a yucky spot.”

I immediately wondered how kids so little had so many negative feelings about their private body parts, and since they likely hadn’t yet received sexuality education at school, I assumed that families played a role in shaping these beliefs.

One of the simplest and easiest things you can do to start having conversations with toddlers and preschoolers about sexuality is teaching them about their reproductive body parts. Naming and using the medically-accurate names for body parts is important for several reasons:

• Kids will be able to accurately communicate about their health concerns with you, and their medical providers instead of using slang words like, “pocketbook” that may be misunderstood.

• You demonstrate that you’re an ask-able parent. As kids get older and they have questions or worries about their body parts, they know that you’re someone they can ask who will provide accurate and honest answers in a comfortable way. 

• You can reduce shame and stigma about our body parts. Understanding body part’s names and functions at an early age contributes to the normalization of going to the bathroom, reproduction and childbirth, and pleasure as youth get older.

• There is research that indicates that kids who know the names for their body parts are less at risk for sexual abuse, since kids who know these names likely have open communication with their families and know what kind of touch is not okay. Research links below:

  • Journal of Child Abuse & Neglect: Children’s use of sexual body part terms in witness interviews about sexual abuse

  • Psychology Today: Call Children’s Private Body Parts What They Are

 Looking for easy ways to do this? Try out the ideas below:

• This may feel weird to you to start, especially if these words weren’t used in your family growing up. Try saying these words out loud on your own to take away the giggles. I promise, when kids hear words like “vulva” or “scrotum” for the first time, they haven’t been socialized to laugh or be uncomfortable like us as adults.

• Check out this great video for parents about when to start talking about sexuality from Amaze Parents.

• In infancy, when changing diapers, refrain from using words like, “ew,” “yucky,” or shaming genital touching.

• Use the medically-accurate words genitals, including penis, vulva, testicles, when talking about body anatomy with kids. You can find sample definitions for these words in the Parent Planner for Ages 3-5.

• During potty training (or even those times when little ones walk in on you while you take a bathroom break) talk frequently and openly about body parts and functions using their medically accurate names.

• Visit Amaze.org to watch videos with your little one about body parts and talk about what you watched together!